He was the strong silent type who used his words wisely. He was concise and direct, using body language to say things that words failed to convey. There were times when I could feel him undress me without ever breaking eye contact. He hugged as if his life depended on it. And he had the kind of laugh that made souls quake with joy.
My body responded to the things he said and the things he didn’t. Each conversation was filled with pregnant pauses and musical interludes. But while the sexual attraction was both obvious and acknowledged, we decided to keep things platonic — at first.
We engaged in foreplay for nearly two years. Sexy banter and intimate shares. Mental intercourse and seductive lunch dates. We mastered the art of fucking before our naked bodies ever made contact.
I had never been more aroused than the first time his lips kissed my bare shoulder. My fully engorged vulva threatened to burst in preparation to receive him.
For us, foreplay had been a pilgrimage without a map or destination. Yet, it paved the way for a gratifying sexual connection that would last for nearly two decades. And the foreplay never stopped.
Good foreplay guarantees satisfaction.
There is no magical line that differentiates between the uterus and the cervix — and the same is true for foreplay and sex. Foreplay, when done right, flows seamlessly into the second act — sex.
What is foreplay done right, you ask?
Good foreplay is a fusion of sensation and pleasure. And it begins before tongues tangle and bodies touch. Foreplay is everything that happens before sex. It’s as much about what you say as what you do.
Superior foreplay includes generous flirting, eye contact, compliments, and copious amounts of gratitude (uttered and assumed). It’s about accommodation and consideration. Focused attention and sexy daydreaming. The things you think about—word selection. And the energy you bring to the table.
I love it when my partner calls me baby — for me, that’s foreplay. And when he utters that four-letter word, I know that he is inviting me to step into a sexy headspace. It doesn’t matter if we are in the middle of sex or passing one another on the way to the fridge. “Baby” is a cue. It’s a signal that says, “I want to turn you on.”
What words and gestures solicit your partner into sexual energy?
What are some of your own sexual prompts? Does your partner know about them?
What can you say or do right now to get your partner’s motor running?
Get in the habit of thinking of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g as foreplay. And then infuse it into your day — even when sex is not an option. Notice how this small tweak turns up the heat in your relationship.
Take your time — do it right.
Pay extra attention to what I am about to say because this might transform your sex life forever. If you can master this one thing — you will have great sex from this day forward.
Ready?
The most important element to exceptional foreplay and deliciously satisfying sex is anticipation. Whoever said “good things come to those who wait” knew exactly what they were talking about because it’s totally true.
Extended foreplay (all day if you can) transforms arousal from something that may or may not happen to an all-out-mindblowing-full-body experience.
Take your time. Fuck your partner’s mind — again and again, and again. Engage their imagination. Indulge their fantasies. Leave room for mystery. Finger their desires with your words. Engorge their loins without touch. Make them salivate with your energy.
You have more sexual prowess than you even know. Now is a great time to tap into your erotic potential. Use foreplay as a tool to elevate your sexual skills, increase intimacy, and strengthen your connection. You got this!
Foreplay is about pleasure — not finishing.
Another super smart person once said, “it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey” or something like that. And while they may not have been talking about sex specifically — if the shoe fits. *shrug*
So for the sake of this discussion, think about foreplay as the journey and sex as the destination. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
Foreplay is all about pleasure — mental, emotional, and physical — pleasure. It’s not about being done; it’s about the experience of traveling down the back road of your naughty mind, through the aisles of anticipation and arousal. And storming the halls of pleasure and ecstasy.
Give your full attention to what is happening at the moment. Don’t worry about what just happened or what’s going to happen. Just be present with what’s happening NOW. There is one caveat to this — if you’re sexting your boo about what you’re going to do to them later — that’s more than okay. Just make sure to keep your energy focused on the excitement and suspense that you are creating.
Centering pleasure at the moment is the same as bending space and time. This is how you create orgasmic energy, the kind that permeates every area of your life. Think more productivity, more money, and more joy — a healthy sex life makes your entire life mo’ better.
Foreplay is an offering.
Generous people make the best lovers, and foreplay is an offering. Lending your time and attention to your beloved in the form of foreplay is a benevolent act that will sometimes lead to personal fulfillment.
Yes, it’s true; all roads of foreplay do not lead to sex. But they almost always lead to pleasure. Again, make pleasure the point. Sometimes foreplay endows the other person with a reminder that they are sexy and desirable. Other times it serves to ward off the ick of the day. And oftentimes, its purpose leads to steamy days and multi-orgasmic nights.
Reciprocity is a beautiful thing — but don’t make it a requirement, at least not all the time. Give the gift of foreplay because you can. Be tactful. Offer the kind of foreplay that your partner is receptive to. If they like it down and dirty — give it to em’. And if they like subtle hints, innuendoes, and double entendres — serve it with unlimited refills.
When you give without expectation, you will almost always yield a return on your investment. Trust the process. Open your heart. Be creative. And keep it sexy. ?
This post first appeared on Medium.com
