Pleasure. I used to think that it was not only natural, but I thought it was instinctive.
I was under the assumption that I willingly embraced just about anything that felt good. But that is not entirely accurate.
Yes, I like to feel good.
Yes, I enjoy the experience of satisfaction.
Yes, I like entertainment.
Yes, I enjoy the experience of happiness.
But… I sometimes struggle to be in it.
We met online.
He was cute, I was smitten.
The conversation was awesome, nonstop engagement. We talked about everything from sex + love to politics + genocide.
He was intelligent, I was captivated.
During our first in-person meeting, something felt a bit off. I tried to ignore it, because the conversation was so damn good. We shared a meal and swapped middle-child stories. He was raised by his grandparents and he learned about sex on the boob tube. I was the product of a once love filled marriage and I read about sex in books.
I did not feel any sparks, but I felt something.
He kissed me, I liked it.
He hugged me, I melted.
But something wasn’t quite right.
With so much talk about connection, why are we more disconnected than ever? Social media is not the blame, it is not the news, or the paparazzi either.
We have made a decision. We have been complicit in the decision to disengage. First we traded hugs for high-fives, hand-shakes for fist bumps, and conversations for text messages. We have also traded exercise for pills, nature for high-rises, and real-life experiences for virtual reality.
Your body remembers
Your body is designed to shed and replenish. It creates and destroys, stores and empties, and it keeps what is needed and lets go of the rest. It is designed to release everything that does not serve the highest good for every single cell.
No more shrinking
I often find myself shrinking at the thought of success.
I have never once feared failure, because I know that the only way I can fail is to either not try or give up. And quitting is not in my DNA.
I see opportunity in hardship, challenges are occasions for expansion, and backing down is a choice. But when it comes to the thought of success, I shrink.
When grief has come to call. When devastation has knocked the world off its axis. When the well of love has run completely dry. Sometimes there are no words.
The language of understanding is often void of syllables. Pain needs space. There is no need to fill it with promises of better days.
Presence has a context all its own.
Be kind. Be gentle. Hold space. Noiselessness can be a comfort. Make room for that.
Love every person you meet, but love you more.
I love love.
I enjoy the expansion and the sadness. Yes, sadness is a part of love too.
I have loved deeply and not so deeply.
I have loved for the long haul and for the moment. Love does not have a shelf life. It comes and goes and lasts however long it lasts.
who says your stretchmarks aren’t jewels?
who says they aren’t glitter trails?
who says divinity does not breathe through your stretchmarks?
that planets do not align along your lines?
who says your stretchmarks aren’t your way home?
- Don’t fall – falling in love is so 1980. If you really want to experience real love, walk in with your eyes wide shut and your heart splayed like a starfish. While your hormones are raging, keep an open mind. Feel your way through. And be honest, with you and your partner. If you keep it 100 from the start, you will still be in love when the fog clears from your rose colored glasses.
- Do tell – if you love someone tell them that you love them. Keeping it to yourself will only make you lovesick.
- Expect nothing – your loving someone is not about how much they can love you in return. If you love someone, really and truly… you will love them anyway, even if they don’t love you back.
- Make room – you cannot love someone fully if there is no space. If there is a story that you need to unpack, unpack it. Love is expansive, it needs lots of room to grow.
- Give it your all – half-way love only leads to lackluster fulfillment. If you really want to feel it you gotta go all in. Holding love in creates tension, for you and the other person. Letting it all hang out, that’s where the magic happens.
- Be imperfect – love is messy. People fuck up and disappoint, but it’s okay because love is resilient. And it’s quirky and strange too. Perfection is a myth, but imperfection is a given. Go with it.
- Don’t look back – the past is behind you. And that means it’s behind your partner too. Whatever happened, happened. There were lovers who came before you, accept it. (tweet this) Comparison only works in arithmetic.
- Redefine forever – sometimes forever is today. While planning for a future with your love is great, the real beauty of love is always happening in the here and now.
- It’s a verb – love is experiential. It’s not the word, it’s the deed. Love feels like something because love looks like something. It is meant to be expressed. Whatever love language your lover responds to… do more of that, you won’t be sorry.
- R.E.S.P.E.C.T – the only thing more important than love is respect. Unions built on the foundation of respect have a much greater success rate. Because love can be fickle, it waxes and wanes, constantly. Trust me, respect is a lot more consistent.
And if you’re attracting the wrong type… click here to get clear.