Self-love… is the best love

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I didn’t have a clue about self-love when I was younger. It wasn’t taught in school and I didn’t learn it at home either. My parents were born in an era when self-love was not something that was openly discussed or practiced. They were taught to do what needed to be done, which didn’t include self-love, self-compassion, or self-reflection.

I don’t remember exactly when I began practicing self-care, but I’m sure I was pretty close to 30. Even then, I wasn’t sure how to go about loving myself without forgetting everyone else.

I felt guilty about putting myself first. As a wife and mother, it was my job to make sure that my family was taken care of. Homework, laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and work always came first. The leftover time and energy was for me, and that was never very much.

Over the years I’ve learned that if I don’t take care of myself, first, I can’t take care of anybody else. Self-love deficiency can be described as burnout.The symptoms show up in a variety of ways:

Fatigue

Irritability

Aches Pain

Trouble Sleeping

I’m sure you’ve experienced one or more of these symptoms, at some point in your life. You probably described it as “stress.” But what is stress exactly?

Merriam Webster:

Stress  |’stres|: a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc.

I don’t know about you, but when I feel loved and supported, mental tension and worry melts away. And there is no one better qualified to love and support me, than me. I deserve the same kind of love and support that I give to the people I love most. 

  • When they’re tired, I encourage them to rest.
  • When they’re hungry, I feed them.
  • When they’re lonely, sad, or scared, I comfort them.
  • When they’re feeling discouraged, I encourage them.
  • When they’ve done something great, I celebrate them.
  • When they’re working toward a goal, I lend a hand.

I can do all of those things for myself too. And when all of my needs are met, there is more of myself to give. 

Taking care of myself is the best thing I can do for the people I love. (click to tweet) ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It is my wish for women all over the world to wholeheartedly love themselves, every single day. That they will be empowered to nourish their bodies, their minds, and their spirits. 

I recently collaborated with my dear friend Caroline Kirk and a group of truly phenomenal women to create this powerful eBook:

Lessons in Self-love:
Life Stories of Women Who are Changing Their World
By Finding Their Worth

Lessons in Self Love - eBook

This book contains over 20 inspiring stories, from women who have overcome limiting beliefs, physical abuse, illness, addiction, and more. Raw and insightful. Vulnerable and brave.

This is my story.

This is your story.

These are our stories. 

You are also invited to join our private Facebook group, where you’ll receive inspiration, encouragement and support in the areas of self-love and self-worth. 

“A safe, sacred place for women to connect, to laugh, to grow in self love.”       

**This ebook is no longer available.**                                                                                                                             

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

How do you plan to love yourself today?    tweet this

 Share the ♥ in the comments.

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26 Comments
  • […] Bobbie Cole:  Loving Ourselves — Addressing a Today Problem Jane Rapin: Lessons in Self Love: Love Yourself First to Attract Your Perfect Man Jenny Griffen: Building Self-love as a Home Base – The Power of Change Kelly Risbey:  Battling depression with self-love | Mental Health Survivor Llinos Thomas: Lessons in Self Love e-book Michelle Meleo: How Long Is Too Long…To Hold On? Rhoda J. Shapiro:  14 Ways to Open the Heart Chakra Sam Livermore:How much can I love? Shann Watts:What Creative Endeavor is Yearning to Unfold should you let it? Stacey Herrera: Self Love is The Best Love  […]

  • […] Bobbie Cole:  Loving Ourselves — Addressing a Today Problem Jane Rapin: Lessons in Self Love: Love Yourself First to Attract Your Perfect Man Jenny Griffen: Building Self-love as a Home Base – The Power of Change Kelly Risbey:  Battling depression with self-love | Mental Health Survivor Llinos Thomas: Lessons in Self Love e-book Michelle Meleo: How Long Is Too Long…To Hold On? Rhoda J. Shapiro:  14 Ways to Open the Heart Chakra Sam Livermore:How much can I love? Shann Watts:What Creative Endeavor is Yearning to Unfold should you let it? Stacey Herrera: Self Love is The Best Love  […]

  • So important that as women we stop tiptoeing around putting ourselves second! It doesn’t mean everyone else comes last, just that we need to be well first, kind of like the put your oxygen mask on first before that of anyone who needs your assistance!! love this post!

    • The oxygen mask sums it up perfectly Terena… you can’t help anyone else if you can’t breathe. I’m still learning to secure my own first, everyday. You never arrive, you just have to keep making the choice daily♡

  • I really like the correlation between self-love deficiency and burnout! I hadn’t thought about it that way, it goes well with my recent post and is something for me to explore. Thank you!

    • I truly believe that there is definitely a link between not loving and valuing ourselves and burnout. When we take good care of ourself, burnout rarely happens… because our needs are being met. Getting enough rest, taking our time, and nourishing our bodies, keeps burnout at bay.

  • YES. Stacey, I love this. I relate to all of it. I discovered the importance of Self-Love when I was about 30 too! And when I did, I was like: Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner???! Lol 🙂 Thank you so much for the beautiful post!!

    • Life happens in order, but hardly ever on our schedule! LOL
      I’m glad we can spread the word so that we can help others to love all over themselves too! Thanks for stopping by Rhoda 🙂

  • Hi Stacey! I absolutely adore your post. Absolutely hit home that we need to take care of ourselves in the same way we do so easily for others. “When they’re tired, I encourage them to rest” — love how you connected the message to us. Now, when I feel tired, I will encourage myself to rest. Powerful. Inspiring. Motivating. Thank you so much Stacey!

  • Hi Stacey,

    I couldn’t agree more with your post! ‘Showing yourself the same amount of love and support as you would to the people you love most’ is wonderful advice, it is such an important principle that people habitually omit from their lives! Hopefully one day soon the value of self love will be taught to children in schools in place of the ideas of sacrifice and obligation.

    Great work sister!

    • Isn’t it so easy to forget about ourselves Emma? The good news is the more we practice self-love, the easier it will get, and eventually we will make it a habit. I’m still working on it! 🙂

  • Loved this piece, Stacey, and shared it on my personal and biz FB pages. So true that if we don’t take care of ourselves we cannot possibly take care of others, ergo the best thing we can do for those we love is to look after ourselves so we can continue to love them.

    • Yes indeed Bobbie! Even after all these years, I have to constantly remind myself (and give myself permission) to take care of myself. It is truly the best thing I can do for me and the people I love <3

      Thank you so much for sharing!

  • What a beautiful post Stacey, I’m so delighted to be a part of this journey with you. I loved your post today, hugely inspiring, thank you. It was a timely reminder of how far we have come in terms of self care since our parents were young. I am thankful each day that we are ever moving towards greatness in every aspect of our lives and that together we will shape the world and fill it with love and kindness for ourselves and those that come after.

    • Jane I am so grateful too! We are “moving toward greatness in every aspect of our lives,” that is so very true. Doesn’t it feel fabulous? We are creating a new way of being and teaching the next generation by our own examples.

      Thank you for doing this work Jane, together we are truly making a difference <3

  • Thank you, you are so right, there is “no one better qualified to love and support me, than me”, and we/everyone is lucky to have people like you to care enough to voice it. Bravo, many thanks for the inspiration.

  • Self love is so powerful, and this post is so insightful

  • Simple and yet so beautifully profound. Thank you for the gentle…and loving reminder.

  • Fantastic, Stacey!

    I especially love how you ‘turn it around’ on yourself: ‘when they’re tired, I…’ That really hit me full on. When it’s written so simply yet so blatantly like that, it’s easy to see where we would so naturally and lovingly do ___whatever it is___ for others in that situation, yet push ourselves to keep going. Thanks for this beautiful post.

    Big Love <3

    • Jenny, nearly every woman I know gives herself away, leaving very little for herself. We learn it, we practice it, and it’s time for us to learn a new way of being. Now we’re growing greater awareness of the power of loving ourselves… it’s a beautiful thing!

  • Stacey.. I love your words as always.. Self love is the best love as its the holding space for really nourishing all other loves 😉 These are our stories, of women world wide.. it feels great to be joining with you to spread the all-important self love message. How I’m loving myself today is by holding onto the feeling of self love generated in my meditation this morning, to carry it through my day, no matter what comes my way and to let it shine on all I encounter. Its about trusting myself that all is well. It is, much love to you <3

    • Caroline, I can’t thank you enough for creating the space for this to unfold. <3
      I'm going to take your lead and hold onto the feeling of self-love that I've generated this morning as well.. and hold it throughout the day... brilliant!

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