If we had a nickel for every time someone with a penis said, “My partner’s pleasure is the most important thing to me,” we’d all be rich.

Sounds noble. But most of the time, they mean: “I need them to get off so I can feel like I’m good in bed.”

In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey breaks down the difference between generosity as performance vs. presence. Making your partner’s orgasm is your scorecard effs up the experience.

In this episode:

• Why “Did you come?” is often about anxiety, not attention
• How ego-driven performance kills presence (and pleasure)
• The difference between “I need you to feel good” and “I want to be with you while you feel whatever you feel”
• What happens when both people are managing feelings instead of actually feeling

This one’s direct. And yes, we’re mostly talking about people with penises. But it’s really about anyone who’s turned sex into a performance to avoid feeling like a bad lay.

The podcast churns the motor. The stack keeps it running.

On Substack, I dive into the juicy stuff that needs more than 15 minutes. The kinda things that make you go “humph, I never thought about it like that.”

Like why great sex requires emotional labor nobody talks about.

Or why men with smaller dicks are often better lovers (spoiler: it’s about skill, not size).

Or how asking, telling, and listening might be the only sex enhancement you actually need.

No hot takes or how-to guides. Instead, I’m laying down essays that sit at the intersection of nuance and oh damn!

If you’re tired of that Cosmo essential tips and tricks shit and you want the good stuff in the second half… join us.

People who talk about sex have better sex. Go figure?!

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