Just a simple prayer

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MP900442526Several years ago I prayed one of the most dangerous prayers one could ever vocalize. At the time, I hadn’t put too much thought into this request. I mean I was serious, but I wasn’t very specific. Looking back, I’m not sure how meant it. It wasn’t premeditated, in fact I can’t imagine what drove me to wish such a thing. Certainly I was already existing in this state of being… Or was I?

My prayer was this:

Let me be open…

Simple huh? I thought so too, but it was much deeper than that.

What I received in exchange for this seemingly uncomplicated petition was much bigger than anything I could ever have imagined. In an instant I was transformed into an emotional semiconductor.

All at once I began to cry during commercials, TV shows, and movies. I began randomly pouring my heart out to the people I love in person, by text, and on the phone. I, having never met a stranger, started touching people (appropriately) that I didn’t even know, in passing, during brief conversations, while laughing, and just because.

My heart began to swell while

– drinking tea at the kitchen counter

– driving down the street in silence

– listening to unemotional toe-tappin’ songs

– in line at the grocery store

– at the post office

– trolling the internet

– for no apparent reason

Those four little words: Let me be open… changed my life.

I was unexpectedly given permission to feel EVERYTHING! I had no idea that I had been sleepwalking through my life in so many ways.

Who knew a whispered devotion could have such a profound impact on who I was, how I lived, and the future I didn’t even know I wanted?

This muffled invocation turned me inside out. It triggered a monsoon of feelings. I discovered a tenderness that I never knew existed inside of me. I had unearthed a new way of being.

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I have fallen in love with feeling and I never want to stop. tweet this

While I have never uttered this prayer since, it’s not because I’m afraid the flood gates will once again be loosed, but because I am still riding the wave of the first swell, and it’s beautiful.  

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4 Comments
  • WOW. That’s stunning, Stacey. I totally understand the wild, raw power of being open, and I’ll be honest – sometimes it feels like it’s too much for me, and I retreat from it for a while.

    But whenever I rebalance, I come back to it again. Because it’s beautiful, and real and authentic… and that’s exactly who I want to be with my life 🙂

    Blessings

    TANJA

    • I have had moments where it felt “too big” Tanja, that’s for sure. In those moments I usually recognize that I am resisting, but when I choose to lean in… the feeling dissipates. It’s a beautiful thing 🙂

  • That’s just beautiful Stacey.. long may it continue <3

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