Several years ago I prayed one of the most dangerous prayers one could ever vocalize. At the time, I hadn’t put too much thought into this request. I mean I was serious, but I wasn’t very specific. Looking back, I’m not sure how meant it. It wasn’t premeditated, in fact I can’t imagine what drove me to wish such a thing. Certainly I was already existing in this state of being… Or was I?
My prayer was this:
Let me be open…
Simple huh? I thought so too, but it was much deeper than that.
What I received in exchange for this seemingly uncomplicated petition was much bigger than anything I could ever have imagined. In an instant I was transformed into an emotional semiconductor.
All at once I began to cry during commercials, TV shows, and movies. I began randomly pouring my heart out to the people I love in person, by text, and on the phone. I, having never met a stranger, started touching people (appropriately) that I didn’t even know, in passing, during brief conversations, while laughing, and just because.
My heart began to swell while…
– drinking tea at the kitchen counter
– driving down the street in silence
– listening to unemotional toe-tappin’ songs
– in line at the grocery store
– at the post office
– trolling the internet
– for no apparent reason
Those four little words: Let me be open… changed my life.
I was unexpectedly given permission to feel EVERYTHING! I had no idea that I had been sleepwalking through my life in so many ways.
Who knew a whispered devotion could have such a profound impact on who I was, how I lived, and the future I didn’t even know I wanted?
This muffled invocation turned me inside out. It triggered a monsoon of feelings. I discovered a tenderness that I never knew existed inside of me. I had unearthed a new way of being.
While I have never uttered this prayer since, it’s not because I’m afraid the flood gates will once again be loosed, but because I am still riding the wave of the first swell, and it’s beautiful. ♥