My partner recently asked for anal sex. I was not really interested, but I’ll try anything once. After trying several times unsuccessfully we finally got it. He loved it, but I didn’t. And now all he wants to do is anal.
I have indulged his request several times and now it’s become excessive. I have told him repeatedly that it’s not enjoyable for me. He said he understood, yet he continues to ask me for it every single time. It’s like he’s addicted.
I’m over it. I love him but this is not what I signed up for. How do I get him to understand that this is not what I want?
– Exit Only
Dear Exit Only,
Like all sex, anal sex can be enjoyable. But if that’s not what you like, it’s not what you like. This situation is a matter of boundaries and possible compromise.
First you need to make it clear to him where your line is. You can’t say “it’s not enjoyable for me” and then indulge his request. If you don’t want to do it then you have to be committed to not doing it.
If you are willing to occasionally compromise for his pleasure, that’s okay too. Setting a schedule might prove useful. You could gift him with the pleasure of anal sex on special occasions. Like New Years Eve, his birthday, or Anal Sex Day (which is April 18th BTW 😉).
If you choose to compromise you still need to make your boundaries crystal clear.
Your body is yours and yours alone. That means that you hold the deed to your sense of agency. You get to decide what you want to experience when you want to experience it, or not to experience it at all. It’s up to you.
Yes or no is always YOUR choice.
Either way make sure you have this conversation with your partner in a neutral space. The throes of passion is not an ideal for setting the ground rules. Have the conversation over breakfast, while walking in the park, or any place that is not sexually charged.
Make eye contact, and use “I” statements. Don’t make him feel bad about what he wants, but be clear about what you want (and what you don’t). This is not about making anyone wrong here, it’s about making sure that you have a happy, healthy sex life.
You want to have the kind of sex where both of you feel honored, respected, and pleasured. And communication is the main ingredient to having the kind of sex that feels good, to both of you.
Going through something? Wanna know what I think?
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