Lesson #9: It’s not him… it’s you.

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The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.”                                                                                      ― Chuck PalahniukInvisible Monsters

Lesson #9 - It's not him... it's youSometimes the person you love doesn’t love you. Or maybe they do love you, but with less intensity.  Humans are designed to embrace challenge. So it’s only natural to pursue the one who has no interest in being caught, right?

Or maybe you go after the impossible catch because you secretly fear being completely open, available, and free to love and be loved. If the person shows little to no interest, you’re never in danger of experiencing love’s joy, are you?

Although it would be much easier to blame him for being incapable of fully appreciating your affection… it’s not his fault. 

It’s not him – it’s you.

You knew from the very beginning that he wasn’t that into you. He gave it to you straight when he said “I’m just not that into you.” But you didn’t listen. After all, what does he know about what he wants? Clearly he just needs time to witness your brilliance. He needs to be in the presence of your awesome a few dozen times, so that he can get the full gist of your incredibleness.

It’s not him – it’s you.

You’re not a glutton for punishment, really and truly you aren’t. And all this convincing isn’t really about him at all. He just a metaphor. It’s you who’s just not that into you. It’s you that you’re trying to convince. You need to experience your awesome. It’s you who needs to get the full gist of your incredibleness.  

It’s not him – it’s you… it was always you.

You don’t need someone else to validate you. The approval that you desire is your own. Your capacity to experience love + acceptance hinges on your ability to love and accept yourself.

You can only love someone else as much as you love yourself.”  (tweet this)

                                                                                                       –  Brené Brown

This post is part of the This is 40blog seriesForty lessons. Forty weeks.

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