The first time I became consciously aware that my root was imbalanced, it showed up as high blood pressure. I was having crazy headaches, everyday. I was stressed at work, and if I’m honest, I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. My doctor was quick to inform me that my blood pressure was elevated. And she offered an easy solution to the problem – medicine.
Dear Used-to-be Lover,
I can still feel your breath on my skin. But I am trying really hard to forget you. I remember the way you smiled the last time we kissed. The way you smoothed your hand around my waist, pulling me closer to you.
43 relationship factoids + suggestions (in no particular order):
- If you struggle to “get” a man/woman or “keep” a man/woman… your mindset needs an adjustment.
- Never compare your last relationship to your current one.
- If you believe that all men are dogs… you’ll likely date and/or marry a dog.
- Without respect there is no love – period.
- Women are wired for connection… so if you think you “don’t need a man/woman,” you’re right… but you want one. Admit it.
- No matter why your last relationship ended, there is a piece that you must own. Accountability is everything.
- It is not your partner’s job to manage your feelings.
- You bring a lifetime of experience to every situation… and whatever is going on in the present is never about what’s happening right now.
- Relationships require routine maintenance, just like your car.
- You must have a life outside of your relationship. Nourish your friendships too.
- Truth is widely subjective.
- Disagreements are healthy.
- Words hurt.
- Peace is possible.
- Communication is necessary.
- Laughter is essential.
- It’s only as serious as you make it.
- There is no black or white, only shades of grey.
- People only change when THEY are ready, not when YOU are ready.
- There is no single definition for infidelity. Come to a mutual agreement – early.
- Sex matters.
- Social media can ruin your relationship – fast.
- Drama is optional.
- Regular cuddles will strengthen your bond… and decrease pain frequency too.
- Opposites really do attract. You really don’t want to be with someone just like you – trust me.
- Love it largely biological.
- Hormones are real.
- It’s healthy to be attracted to someone other than you partner (acting on that attraction is a different story)
- Self-consciousness destroys intimacy. Instantly
- Gratitude makes a difference.
- Kissing improves dental hygiene. (true story)
- Love makes everything taste better.
- Your soulmate enters your life to help you evolve. And that doesn’t always mean staying together.
- You will seek someone who can hurt/disappoint you in familiar ways.
- Asking for what you want increases your chance of fulfillment.
- Focusing on the qualities you enjoy about your parter will improve the health of your relationship.
- Intimacy and sex are two different things, that sometimes intersect.
- Disinterest is the leading cause of divorce. (my opinion, but it’s 100% accurate)
- Don’t ask for more than you’re willing to give.
- When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your partner.
- Energy is a 3rd party in every relationship.
- Don’t ever stop flirting with each other.
- The things you don’t say are always more harmful than the things you do.
There is an angst that is paired with not knowing. This is a feeling that everyone is running from, all the time.
Pleasure. I used to think that it was not only natural, but I thought it was instinctive.
I was under the assumption that I willingly embraced just about anything that felt good. But that is not entirely accurate.
Yes, I like to feel good.
Yes, I enjoy the experience of satisfaction.
Yes, I like entertainment.
Yes, I enjoy the experience of happiness.
But… I sometimes struggle to be in it.
We met online.
He was cute, I was smitten.
The conversation was awesome, nonstop engagement. We talked about everything from sex + love to politics + genocide.
He was intelligent, I was captivated.
During our first in-person meeting, something felt a bit off. I tried to ignore it, because the conversation was so damn good. We shared a meal and swapped middle-child stories. He was raised by his grandparents and he learned about sex on the boob tube. I was the product of a once love filled marriage and I read about sex in books.
I did not feel any sparks, but I felt something.
He kissed me, I liked it.
He hugged me, I melted.
But something wasn’t quite right.
With so much talk about connection, why are we more disconnected than ever? Social media is not the blame, it is not the news, or the paparazzi either.
We have made a decision. We have been complicit in the decision to disengage. First we traded hugs for high-fives, hand-shakes for fist bumps, and conversations for text messages. We have also traded exercise for pills, nature for high-rises, and real-life experiences for virtual reality.
Your body remembers
Your body is designed to shed and replenish. It creates and destroys, stores and empties, and it keeps what is needed and lets go of the rest. It is designed to release everything that does not serve the highest good for every single cell.
No more shrinking
I often find myself shrinking at the thought of success.
I have never once feared failure, because I know that the only way I can fail is to either not try or give up. And quitting is not in my DNA.
I see opportunity in hardship, challenges are occasions for expansion, and backing down is a choice. But when it comes to the thought of success, I shrink.