I am naturally friendly, but insanely private.
I crave intimate moments, but I find intimate acts frightening.
I am a people person, but not. Sometimes I avoid eye contact, because I want to remain invisible as much as I want to be seen. Anonymity is my modus operandi.
I am the definition of contradiction.
I am easy going and complicated. My moods are steady, but they shift at will.
I yearn for connection and solitude. Reading is my favorite pastime, mostly because that is the only activity that allows me to do both, at the same time. Characters ask much of each other, but they ask nothing of me.
Some days I wake up with so much excited energy that I can hardly stand it. And other days I stay in bed simply because the only place I want to be is inside my own head.
I admire people with lots of friends and I feel sorry for them too. Being on all the time seems exhausting. Having people vying for your attention, just seems like a lot of work. A few good men or women, will do just fine for me. As long as they can accept the things I’m not good at, like… answering the phone.
As a rule, I will only answer the phone if I truly have time to talk. That means I will not answer the phone to simply say “can I call you back?” I think that’s silly. Not to mention, voicemail serves this particular purpose.
Some people find my personality brash, while others find me flowery. I am equal parts masculine and feminine, each dominating at the most inopportune times.
This duality can be confusing, even to me.
Which will I be today? And when?
My optimism is consistent. The perpetual half-full glass never empties, even on days when the proverbial shit hits the fan. I fall down and get back up, with the occasional lag. I see opportunity in disappointment. And I am convinced that I can do it my way, even when my way is not working.
Yes, I am stubborn. I am also kind to a fault, way too compassionate, and my rose-colored glasses are fogged.
I have been told, more than once, to dumb down my writing, but I cannot. I do not know how to be less of who I am or more of who I am not.
That also means that I cannot make the duality stop, and I like it anyway.
Self-acceptance has been the greatest gift I have even given myself. In it I have found peace amongst the chaos that exists within me. Because of it I am able to grant others permission to be more of themselves too.
My life is the only example of truth that exists for me. The same is true for you.
Trying to fit in the box that has been designed for you, by someone else, is pointless and exhausting. Like me, you were not meant to be one way.
I change daily, and I’m willing to bet you do too.
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